3: Romeo & Juliet, Unit II, Love

Unit II, Love

Part A, The DBT Handout.

1. Basic emotions.

At the top of the handout is the list again of the 7 basic emotions dealt with in the book:

Love…..Joy….Interest….Sadness….Anger….Fear….Shame

2. Identifying feelings of love.

In these scenes, we are seeing the awakening of a new love in Romeo, and also in the new girl, Juliet. So the main emotion we are looking at is love: The book lists some feelings and urges toward behavior that go along with love (p. 84). Undialectically, it is an all-positive list, as though love did not involve suffering as well. I let that pass, unless a participant notices it:

Feelings and urgings I experience when I feel love:

I feel energetic
I feel invulnerable
I feel warm
I feel excited
I feel relaxed or calm
I feel aroused
I feel my heart beat stronger
I feel the urge to call, hug, or kiss the person I love
I feel secure
I feel euphoric

3. "Wise mind" skills around love.

Romeo revels in the feeling of love. He is also thinking ahead, however. Allhe cares agout is where he stands with Juliet. Juliet is warier than Romeo. The book validates such wariness (p. 136):

Even when there isn’t another relationship to worry about, there are a host of other dangers of feeling love that isn’t balanced with your logic and wisdom. They include sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted or unexpected pregnancy, and the heartbreak that follows when you realize the other person didn’t share your depth of feeling or crave intimacy as much as they may have craved sexual release. Sometimes intense love feelings and attractions lead people into relationships that are violent or expose them to crime or exploitation. All of this isn’t to say don’t trust your love or your attraction, but experience them as emotions, keep your wisdom sharp, and keep an eye on your personal values, not sacrificing them to impulsiveness.

4. Identifying other strong emotions.

Besides the two lovers and Romeo’s friends, there are two other characters in the first scene being read of this unit: Capulet, the host of the party they crash, and his nephew Tybalt. Although Romeo’s group has come wearing masks, Tybalt recognizes Romeo as someone who has no business being there. Capulet restrains him from taking any immediate action, much to Tybalt’s chagrin. Participants can try to identify from the dialogue what two emotions Tybalt is feeling, from the list of basic emotions..

The play: Act 1, scene 5, and Act 2, Scene 1:

Characters in order of appearance: CAPULET, ROMEO, SERVANT, TYBALT, JULIET, NURSE, LADY CAPULET, BENVOLIO. At the Capulets’ masked ball. Later, at Juliet's window.

Enter CAPULETS, greeting Maskers, among whom is Romeo.

CAPULET You are welcome, gentlemen! come, musicians, play.
A hall, a hall! give room! And foot it, girls. Music plays, and they dance.
More light, you knaves; and turn the tables up,
And quench the fire, the room is grown too hot.

ROMEO [To a Servingman] What lady is that, who doth enrich the hand
Of yonder knight?

SERVANT I know not, sir.

ROMEO O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear;
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows,
As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand,
And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

TYBALT This, by his voice, should be a Montague.
Fetch me my rapier, boy.
Now, by the stock and honour of my kin,
To strike him dead, I hold it not a sin.

CAPULET Why, how now, kinsman! Wherefore storm you so?

TYBALT Uncle, this is a Montague, our foe,
A villain that is hither come in spite,
To scorn at our solemnity this night.

CAPULET Young Romeo is it?

TYBALT Tis he, that villain Romeo.

CAPULET Content thee, gentle coz, let him alone;
It is my will, the which if thou respect,
Show a fair presence and put off these frowns,
And ill-beseeming semblance for a feast.

TYBALT It ill fits, when such a villain is a guest:
I'll not endure him.

CAPULET He shall be endured:
What, good man! I say, he shall: Go to;
Am I the master here, or you? Go to.

Exit CAPULET AND TYBALT

ROMEO [To JULIET] If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

JULIET Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;
Saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, (By “saints” she means statues of saints)
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. (“Palmer” is another word for “pilgrim”)

ROMEO Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

JULIET Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.

ROMEO O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

JULIET Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.

ROMEO Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged. They kiss.

JULIET Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

ROMEO Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again. They kiss.

JULIET You kiss by the book.

NURSE Madam, your mother craves a word with you.

ROMEO Who is her mother?

NURSE Marry, bachelor,
Her mother is the lady of the house,
And a good lady, and wise and virtuous
I nursed her daughter, that you talk'd withal.

ROMEO Is she a Capulet?
O dear account! My life is my foe's debt.

BENVOLIO Away, begone; the sport is at the best.

ROMEO Ay, so I fear; the more is my unrest. [He and his friends go to the door.]

CAPULET Nay, gentlemen, prepare not to be gone;
We have a trifling foolish banquet ready. [One whispers in his ear.]
Is it e'en so? Why, then, I thank you all.
I thank you, honest gentlemen; good night.
More torches here! Come on then, let's to bed.
Ah, sirrah, by my fay, it waxes late:
I'll to my rest

Exit all but JULIET and NURSE

JULIET Come hither, nurse. Who's he that follows there, that would not dance?

NURSE I know not.

JULIET Go ask his name: If he be married.
My grave is like to be my wedding bed.

NURSE His name is Romeo, and a Montague;
The only son of your great enemy.

JULIET My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,
That I must love a loathed enemy

NURSE What's this? What's this?

JULIET A rhyme I learn'd even now
Of one I danced withal.

LADY CAPULET [offstage] Juliet!

NURSE Anon, anon!
Come, let's away; the strangers all are gone.

Exit all.

(Later the same evening. ROMEO climbs the Capulets’ wall. JULIET appears above him at a window.)

ROMEO. But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
See how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!

JULIET Ay me!

ROMEO She speaks:
O, speak again, bright angel! For thou art
As glorious to this night, being o'er my head
As is a winged messenger of heaven
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him
When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds
And sails upon the bosom of the air.

JULIET O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

ROMEO [Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?

JULIET 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called,
Retain that dear perfection which he has
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

ROMEO I take thee at thy word:
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;
Henceforth I never will be Romeo.

JULIET What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night
So stumblest on my reverie?

ROMEO By a name
I know not how to tell thee who I am:
My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself,
Because it is an enemy to thee;
Had I it written, I would tear the word.

JULIET My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words
Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound:
Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?

ROMEO Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike.

JULIET How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art,
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.

ROMEO With Love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls;
For stony limits cannot hold love out,
And what love can do that dares love attempt;
Therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me.

JULIET If they do see thee, they will murder thee.

ROMEO Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye
Than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet,
And I am proof against their enmity.

JULIET I would not for the world they saw thee here.

ROMEO I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight;
And but thou love me, let them find me here:
My life were better ended by their hate,
Than death prolonged, wanting of thy love.

JULIET By whose direction found'st thou out this place?

ROMEO By love, who first did prompt me to inquire;
He lent me counsel and I lent him eyes.
I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far
As that vast shore wash'd with the farthest sea,
I would adventure for such merchandise.

JULIET Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face,
Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek
For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night
But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true
Than those that have more cunning to be strange.
I should have been more strange, I must confess,
But that thou overheard'st, ere I was aware,
My true love's passion: therefore pardon me,
And not impute this yielding to light love,
Which the dark night hath so discovered.

ROMEO Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear
That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops--

JULIET O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circled orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.

ROMEO What shall I swear by?

JULIET Do not swear at all;
Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self,
Which is the god of my idolatry,
And I'll believe thee.

ROMEO If my heart's dear love--

JULIET Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee,
I have no joy of this contract tonight:
It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden;
Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be
Ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night!
This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.

ROMEO O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

JULIET What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?

ROMEO The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.

JULIET I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:
And yet I would it were to give again.

ROMEO Wouldst thou withdraw it? For what purpose, love?

JULIET But to be frank, and give it thee again.
And yet I wish but for the thing I have:
My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite.

NURSE [within] Juliet!

JULIET I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!
Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true.
Stay but a little, I will come again Exit, above

ROMEO O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard.
Being in night, all this is but a dream,
Too flattering-sweet to be substantial.

Re-enter JULIET, above

JULIET Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed:
If that thy bent of love be honourable,
Thy purpose marriage, send me word tomorrow,
By one that I'll procure to come to thee,
Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite;
And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay
And follow thee my lord throughout the world.

NURSE [Within] Madam!

JULIET I come, anon.--But if thou mean'st not well,
I do beseech thee
To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief:

ROMEO So thrive my soul—

NURSE [Within] Juliet! Come to bed!

JULIET A thousand times good night!
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

Unit II, Part C: Discussion Questions.

1. What was the result of Romeo’s following the principle of opposite action to deal with his sadness?

2. What emotions does he feel? (At least two) How do we know?

3. What does she feel? (At least two.) How do we know?

4. At the end, what is Juliet worried about, that restrains her, coming from what DBT would call her “inner wisdom”?

5. What about Juliet’s cousin Tybalt (TIB-ult)? What does he feel? (Two emotions). How do we know? What triggers his emotions (two different things)?

I think we got through all these questions plus reading the scene in one 30 minute session. But we might have left the last one until the next time.