1: First session: identifying emotions

In the first session, I say what the group will be about. Each week, we will pick parts in a short dialogue from Romeo and Juliet and read them as though we were the characters in the play. Then we will discuss what we just read in terms of a handout I will give them, applying the principles of dialectical behavioral therapy. The objective, besides having fun, is to help us see how the play can describes typical situations that we are all in and also how it can give us lessons for helping us to manage strong emotions. The ultimate objective is to have control over our own lives when we're in the grip of strong emotions.

For this session, group members look at pictures on the TV, from a DVD, of people in various emotions. (When I did this group earlier, I had them watch the first scene in the movie 'The Lion King.' However people tended to get too much into the movie. Doing it again, I would probably just show slides. And give them a list of emotion-words.)

First, here are some cartoon-faces with emotions.


Second, some pictures from Shakespeare's time. What emotions do you think the people are feeling? Here the choices are between happy and outgoing, sad and withdrawn, angry and aggressive, or peaceful and receptive.



During Shakespeare's time, these four emotions were considered basic, they were called the "four temperaments." They were also considered two pairs of opposite emotions: sad vs. happy, and angry vs. peaceful.

In dialectical behavioral therapy, seeing emotions in terms of opposites is called "dialectical thinking," from a Greek words "dia" meaning "two" and "lect" meaning "speak." Where this concept comes in handy is when you want to reduce a strong emotion: according to DBT, one way is by promoting the opposite emotion. We'll see how that's done in the play.

2: Romeo & Juliet, Unit I, Sadness

Unit I. Topic: Sadness

Part A: DBT skills to be applied.

To start with, I distribute relevant portions of the skills training manual to the group members as a hand-out. We had already gone over this material once, so it was in the nature of review. (Part B of this chapter is the actual lines they read; Part C is a set of discussion questions I give them orally to answer as a group.)

1. Identifying emotions.

First is a list of basic emotions from the skills training manual that I will ask them to look at in several sessions, when we try to identify what emotions a character is feeling (pp. 83-92):

Love…..Joy….Interest….Sadness….Anger….Fear….Shame

In Act 1 scene 1 of the play the emotion that the characters discuss is sadness. So I gave participants a passage describing the feelings and urges to action that go along with sadness (p. 84). They can use this list to say which of these are mentioned in connection with Romeo, by him or his family. They might notice one or two that aren’t mentioned:

Feelings and urges I experience when I feel sadness:

I feel drained
I have an urge to hide from others
I want to avoid work, school, and other social settings
I want to isolate myself
I feel vulnerable and weak
I feel lethargic
My stomach feels tied in knots
I feel disconnected or unreal
I want to cry
I feel raw or crushed
It feels hard to get out of bed
I want to think about sad things all day.
Other__________________________

2. Triggers.

Romeo’s family asks, “What caused Romeo’s sorrow?” They want to know what our book calls “emotional triggers” (p. 66). There are external triggers and internal triggers:

Emotional triggers are events in the outside world and thoughts within you that cause emotions to well up. Triggers are often what people are referring to when they say things like “That guy makes me so mad,” or “That song made me sad.” Externally there are things that people say or do to you, traffic, bills, the weather, layoffs, illness, and so on. Within you there are triggers such as remembering, thinking, and ruminating.” Knowing your triggers is a useful step toward dealing with the surges of emotion they can produce.

The participants can use this passage as a reference when trying to identify Romeo’s external and internal triggers

3. Dialectical thinking.

In describing his feelings Romeo uses pairs of opposites. He is “thinking dialectically,” which the manual describes as follows (p 107):

To understand a dialectical framework, think of the polarities inherent in reality, the many opposites we encounter in daily life and the way things work. From the simplicity of night and day to the unseen tension between matter and antimatter, reality is full of opposites. There is both day and night, not one or the other

Looking at Romeo's sadness in these terms shows the dialectical aspect of his emotions, as filled with opposites. Later, in Unit IV, Chapter 4, we will see another example of the same principle.

4. The principle of opposite action.

Romeo’s cousin Benvolio and friend Mercutio offer Romeo a strategy for overcoming his sadness. The way to stop being sad about one girl’s rejection of you is to go out and meet other girls. Our book offers a similar strategy, called “the principle of opposite action" (p. 135):

Engage in behaviors that are opposite to the emotion that you’re feeling so that you interrupt the emotion that is currently firing and re-firing. This means choosing behaviors that are incompatible with the emotion you’re targeting for change…The trick is to “act as if.” If you act as if you aren’t sad, your sadness will lift… For opposite action to be effective, you have to do it again and again, until your emotions change. You must throw yourself completely into opposite action, doing all that you can to engage your whole being and your whole self into doing, thinking, and eventually feeling differently.

One of our worst enemies in trying to change is our own beliefs and automatic thoughts about ourselves. Then besides negative primary emotions, we have secondary ones as well, triggered by our thoughts. The book says (p. 35):

The more run down or reactive you feel, the more likely you are to think less of yourself, If you’re a man, and you think of yourself as a sissy for experiencing fear or for experiencing sadness, you may feel worse. Your emotion won’t simply be fear or sadness, but fear about fear, sadness about sadness, and maybe shame about both of these. Perhaps you judge yourself as being weak-willed, crazy, or having “lost it.” Your automatic thoughts and judgments will affect the way you experience your emotions. And these judgments often lead to secondary emotions, which don’t help us with survival, social connection, or general well being.

The author puts all these beliefs, thoughts, and judgments, leading to paralyzing secondary emotions, under the term “self-talk.” Our self-talk comes up especially strongly when we are trying to change, telling us not to.

Part B: The group picks parts for the scene and reads it. The text is from Act 1, Scene 1 and Scene 4.

Characters in order of appearance: LADY MONTAGUE, BENVOLIO (her nephew), MONTAGUE (her husband), ROMEO (their son), MERCUTIO (friend to Benvolio and Romeo). Scene: A street in Verona.

LADY MONTAGUE O, where is Romeo? Saw you him today?

BENVOLIO Madam, an hour before the sun
Peer'd forth from the golden window of the east,
A troubled mind drove me to walk abroad;
Where, underneath a grove of sycamore
So early walking did I see your son:
Towards him I made, but he was wary of me
And stole into the cover of the wood.

MONTAGUE Many a morning hath he there been seen,
With tears augmenting the fresh morning dew.
Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs;
But all so soon as the all-cheering sun
Should in the furthest east begin to dawn
Away from the light steals home my heavy son,
And private in his chamber pens himself,
Shuts up his windows, locks fair daylight out
And makes himself an artificial night:
Black and portentous must this humour prove,
Unless good counsel may the cause remove.

BENVOLIO My noble uncle, do you know the cause?

MONTAGUE I neither know it nor can learn of him.

BENVOLIO Have you importuned him by every means?

MONTAGUE Both by myself and many other friends:
But he, his own affections' counsellor,
Is to himself so secret and so closed,
So far from probing and discovery!
Could we but learn from whence his sorrows grow.
We would as willingly give cure as know.

Enter ROMEO.

BENVOLIO See where he comes: so please you, step aside;
I'll know his grievance, or be much denied.

MONTAGUE I would thou wert so happy by thy stay,
To hear true shrift. Come, madam, let's away.

Exit MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE.

BENVOLIO Good-morrow, cousin.

ROMEO Is the day so young?

BENVOLIO But new struck nine.

ROMEO Ay me! sad hours seem long.
Was that my father that went hence so fast?

BENVOLIO It was. What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours?

ROMEO Not having that, which, having, makes them short.

BENVOLIO In love?

ROMEO Out--

BENVOLIO Of love?

ROMEO Out of her favour, where I am in love.

BENVOLIO Alas, that Love, so gentle in his view,
Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!

ROMEO Alas, that Love, whose view is muffled still,
Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!
O heavy lightness! serious vanity!
Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health!
Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is!
This love feel I, that feel no love in this.
Dost thou not laugh?

BENVOLIO No, coz, I rather weep.

ROMEO Good heart, at what?

BENVOLIO At thy good heart's oppression.

ROMEO Why, such is love's transgression.
Griefs lie heavy in my breast.
Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;
Being vex'd a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears:
What is it else? a madness most discreet,
A choking gall and a preserving sweet.
Farewell, my coz.

BENVOLIO Soft! I will go along;
An if you leave me so, you do me wrong.

ROMEO Tut, I have lost myself; I am not here;
This is not Romeo, he's some other where.

BENVOLIO Tell me in sadness, who is that you love.

ROMEO What, shall I groan and tell thee?

BENVOLIO Groan! why, no. But sadly tell me who.

ROMEO In sadness, cousin, I do love a woman.

BENVOLIO I aim'd so near, when I supposed you loved.

ROMEO A right good marksman! And she's fair I love.
A right fair mark, fair coz, is soonest hit.

ROMEO Well, in that hit you miss: she'll not be hit
With Cupid's arrow. From Love's weak childish bow
She lives unharm'd. She will not stay the siege of loving terms,
Nor bide the encounter of assailing eyes,
O, she is rich in beauty, only poor,
That when she dies with beauty dies her store.

BENVOLIO Then she hath sworn that she will still live chaste?

ROMEO She hath, and in that sparing makes huge waste,
For beauty starved with her severity
Cuts beauty off from all posterity.
She is too fair, too wise, wisely too fair,
To merit bliss by making me despair:
She hath forsworn to love, and in that vow
Do I live dead that live to tell it now.

BENVOLIO Be ruled by me, forget to think of her.

ROMEO O, teach me how I should forget to think.

BENVOLIO By giving liberty unto thine eyes;
Examine other beauties.

ROMEO He that is stricken blind cannot forget
The precious treasure of his eyesight lost:
Show me a mistress that is passing fair,
What doth her beauty serve, but as a note
Where I may read who pass'd that passing fair?
Farewell: thou canst not teach me to forget.

BENVOLIO Tut, man, one fire burns out another's burning,
One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish;
One desperate grief is cured by another's languish:
Take thou some new infection to thy eye,
And the rank poison of the old will die.

(They accidentally learn that there is to be a masked ball that night at the Capulets.)

BENVOLIO At this same ancient feast of Capulet's
Sups the fair Rosaline whom thou so lovest,
With all the admired beauties of Verona:
Go thither; and, with untainted eye,
Compare her face with some that I shall show,
And I will make thee think thy swan a crow.

ROMEO One fairer than my love? The all-seeing sun
Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun!

BENVOLIO Tut, you saw her fair, none else being by,
Herself poised with herself in either eye:
But in that crystal scales let there be weigh'd
Your lady's love against some other maid
That I will show you shining at this fest,
And she shall scant show well that now shows best.

ROMEO I'll go along, no such sight to be shown,
But to rejoice in splendor of mine own.

(In the evening, they walk to the ball, joined by their friend Mercutio and other young men.)

ROMEO Give me a torch: I am not for this ambling;
Being but heavy, I will bear the light.

MERCUTIO Nay, gentle Romeo, we must have you dance.

ROMEO Not I, believe me: you have dancing shoes
With nimble soles: I have a soul of lead
So stakes me to the ground I cannot move.

MERCUTIO You are a lover; borrow Cupid's wings,
And soar with them above a common bound.

ROMEO I am too sore enpierced with his shaft
To soar with his light feathers, and so bound,
I cannot bound a pitch above dull woe:
Under love's heavy burden do I sink.

MERCUTIO And, to sink in it, should you burden love;
Too great oppression for a tender thing.

ROMEO Is love a tender thing? It is too rough,
Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.

MERCUTIO If love be rough with you, be rough with love;
Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.

ROMEO A torch for me: let those who are light of heart
Tickle the senseless floorboards with their heels,
I'll be a candle-holder, and look on.
My luck will get no better, I am done.

MERCUTIO If thou art dun [brown], we'll draw thee from the mire
Of this dung-colored love, wherein thou stick'st
Up to the ears. Come, our torches burn out, ho!

Part C: Discussion questions.

Orally, I give the group a series of questions, connecting the play with DBT theory, as follows:

1. At the beginning, Romeo’s family members discuss Romeo’s recent behavior. What emotion, among the basic ones identified by DBT, do they decide he is feeling?

2. What are the behavioral clues they use to come to this conclusion?

3. They wonder what the cause of his emotion is. How are they going to try to find out?

4. From what Romeo tells his cousin Benvolio, what would you say is the main external trigger for his current feeling? What is an internal trigger for the feeling?

5. How does Romeo describe his feeling in dialectical terms, that is, in terms of coexisting opposites? What does that imply about the nature of love?

6. How does Benvolio use the DBT principle of “opposite action” in trying to reduce the strength of Romeo’s feeling?

7. How does Romeo’s friend Mercutio use the principle of “opposite action”?

8. What is Romeo’s reaction to their advice? (This is an expression of his self-talk that adds to the negative feeling) What emotions are attached to his statements?

The group may not be able to get through all of these in 15 minutes. They can be discussed next time, too, if the group is still interested, preceded by re-reading parts of the scene. The group leader has to try sense the mood of the group--and be flexible if one has guessed wrong.

3: Romeo & Juliet, Unit II, Love

Unit II, Love

Part A, The DBT Handout.

1. Basic emotions.

At the top of the handout is the list again of the 7 basic emotions dealt with in the book:

Love…..Joy….Interest….Sadness….Anger….Fear….Shame

2. Identifying feelings of love.

In these scenes, we are seeing the awakening of a new love in Romeo, and also in the new girl, Juliet. So the main emotion we are looking at is love: The book lists some feelings and urges toward behavior that go along with love (p. 84). Undialectically, it is an all-positive list, as though love did not involve suffering as well. I let that pass, unless a participant notices it:

Feelings and urgings I experience when I feel love:

I feel energetic
I feel invulnerable
I feel warm
I feel excited
I feel relaxed or calm
I feel aroused
I feel my heart beat stronger
I feel the urge to call, hug, or kiss the person I love
I feel secure
I feel euphoric

3. "Wise mind" skills around love.

Romeo revels in the feeling of love. He is also thinking ahead, however. Allhe cares agout is where he stands with Juliet. Juliet is warier than Romeo. The book validates such wariness (p. 136):

Even when there isn’t another relationship to worry about, there are a host of other dangers of feeling love that isn’t balanced with your logic and wisdom. They include sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted or unexpected pregnancy, and the heartbreak that follows when you realize the other person didn’t share your depth of feeling or crave intimacy as much as they may have craved sexual release. Sometimes intense love feelings and attractions lead people into relationships that are violent or expose them to crime or exploitation. All of this isn’t to say don’t trust your love or your attraction, but experience them as emotions, keep your wisdom sharp, and keep an eye on your personal values, not sacrificing them to impulsiveness.

4. Identifying other strong emotions.

Besides the two lovers and Romeo’s friends, there are two other characters in the first scene being read of this unit: Capulet, the host of the party they crash, and his nephew Tybalt. Although Romeo’s group has come wearing masks, Tybalt recognizes Romeo as someone who has no business being there. Capulet restrains him from taking any immediate action, much to Tybalt’s chagrin. Participants can try to identify from the dialogue what two emotions Tybalt is feeling, from the list of basic emotions..

The play: Act 1, scene 5, and Act 2, Scene 1:

Characters in order of appearance: CAPULET, ROMEO, SERVANT, TYBALT, JULIET, NURSE, LADY CAPULET, BENVOLIO. At the Capulets’ masked ball. Later, at Juliet's window.

Enter CAPULETS, greeting Maskers, among whom is Romeo.

CAPULET You are welcome, gentlemen! come, musicians, play.
A hall, a hall! give room! And foot it, girls. Music plays, and they dance.
More light, you knaves; and turn the tables up,
And quench the fire, the room is grown too hot.

ROMEO [To a Servingman] What lady is that, who doth enrich the hand
Of yonder knight?

SERVANT I know not, sir.

ROMEO O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear;
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows,
As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand,
And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

TYBALT This, by his voice, should be a Montague.
Fetch me my rapier, boy.
Now, by the stock and honour of my kin,
To strike him dead, I hold it not a sin.

CAPULET Why, how now, kinsman! Wherefore storm you so?

TYBALT Uncle, this is a Montague, our foe,
A villain that is hither come in spite,
To scorn at our solemnity this night.

CAPULET Young Romeo is it?

TYBALT Tis he, that villain Romeo.

CAPULET Content thee, gentle coz, let him alone;
It is my will, the which if thou respect,
Show a fair presence and put off these frowns,
And ill-beseeming semblance for a feast.

TYBALT It ill fits, when such a villain is a guest:
I'll not endure him.

CAPULET He shall be endured:
What, good man! I say, he shall: Go to;
Am I the master here, or you? Go to.

Exit CAPULET AND TYBALT

ROMEO [To JULIET] If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

JULIET Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;
Saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, (By “saints” she means statues of saints)
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. (“Palmer” is another word for “pilgrim”)

ROMEO Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

JULIET Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.

ROMEO O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

JULIET Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.

ROMEO Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged. They kiss.

JULIET Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

ROMEO Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again. They kiss.

JULIET You kiss by the book.

NURSE Madam, your mother craves a word with you.

ROMEO Who is her mother?

NURSE Marry, bachelor,
Her mother is the lady of the house,
And a good lady, and wise and virtuous
I nursed her daughter, that you talk'd withal.

ROMEO Is she a Capulet?
O dear account! My life is my foe's debt.

BENVOLIO Away, begone; the sport is at the best.

ROMEO Ay, so I fear; the more is my unrest. [He and his friends go to the door.]

CAPULET Nay, gentlemen, prepare not to be gone;
We have a trifling foolish banquet ready. [One whispers in his ear.]
Is it e'en so? Why, then, I thank you all.
I thank you, honest gentlemen; good night.
More torches here! Come on then, let's to bed.
Ah, sirrah, by my fay, it waxes late:
I'll to my rest

Exit all but JULIET and NURSE

JULIET Come hither, nurse. Who's he that follows there, that would not dance?

NURSE I know not.

JULIET Go ask his name: If he be married.
My grave is like to be my wedding bed.

NURSE His name is Romeo, and a Montague;
The only son of your great enemy.

JULIET My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,
That I must love a loathed enemy

NURSE What's this? What's this?

JULIET A rhyme I learn'd even now
Of one I danced withal.

LADY CAPULET [offstage] Juliet!

NURSE Anon, anon!
Come, let's away; the strangers all are gone.

Exit all.

(Later the same evening. ROMEO climbs the Capulets’ wall. JULIET appears above him at a window.)

ROMEO. But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
See how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!

JULIET Ay me!

ROMEO She speaks:
O, speak again, bright angel! For thou art
As glorious to this night, being o'er my head
As is a winged messenger of heaven
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him
When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds
And sails upon the bosom of the air.

JULIET O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

ROMEO [Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?

JULIET 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called,
Retain that dear perfection which he has
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

ROMEO I take thee at thy word:
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;
Henceforth I never will be Romeo.

JULIET What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night
So stumblest on my reverie?

ROMEO By a name
I know not how to tell thee who I am:
My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself,
Because it is an enemy to thee;
Had I it written, I would tear the word.

JULIET My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words
Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound:
Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?

ROMEO Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike.

JULIET How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art,
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.

ROMEO With Love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls;
For stony limits cannot hold love out,
And what love can do that dares love attempt;
Therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me.

JULIET If they do see thee, they will murder thee.

ROMEO Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye
Than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet,
And I am proof against their enmity.

JULIET I would not for the world they saw thee here.

ROMEO I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight;
And but thou love me, let them find me here:
My life were better ended by their hate,
Than death prolonged, wanting of thy love.

JULIET By whose direction found'st thou out this place?

ROMEO By love, who first did prompt me to inquire;
He lent me counsel and I lent him eyes.
I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far
As that vast shore wash'd with the farthest sea,
I would adventure for such merchandise.

JULIET Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face,
Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek
For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night
But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true
Than those that have more cunning to be strange.
I should have been more strange, I must confess,
But that thou overheard'st, ere I was aware,
My true love's passion: therefore pardon me,
And not impute this yielding to light love,
Which the dark night hath so discovered.

ROMEO Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear
That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops--

JULIET O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circled orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.

ROMEO What shall I swear by?

JULIET Do not swear at all;
Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self,
Which is the god of my idolatry,
And I'll believe thee.

ROMEO If my heart's dear love--

JULIET Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee,
I have no joy of this contract tonight:
It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden;
Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be
Ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night!
This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.

ROMEO O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

JULIET What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?

ROMEO The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.

JULIET I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:
And yet I would it were to give again.

ROMEO Wouldst thou withdraw it? For what purpose, love?

JULIET But to be frank, and give it thee again.
And yet I wish but for the thing I have:
My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite.

NURSE [within] Juliet!

JULIET I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!
Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true.
Stay but a little, I will come again Exit, above

ROMEO O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard.
Being in night, all this is but a dream,
Too flattering-sweet to be substantial.

Re-enter JULIET, above

JULIET Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed:
If that thy bent of love be honourable,
Thy purpose marriage, send me word tomorrow,
By one that I'll procure to come to thee,
Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite;
And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay
And follow thee my lord throughout the world.

NURSE [Within] Madam!

JULIET I come, anon.--But if thou mean'st not well,
I do beseech thee
To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief:

ROMEO So thrive my soul—

NURSE [Within] Juliet! Come to bed!

JULIET A thousand times good night!
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

Unit II, Part C: Discussion Questions.

1. What was the result of Romeo’s following the principle of opposite action to deal with his sadness?

2. What emotions does he feel? (At least two) How do we know?

3. What does she feel? (At least two.) How do we know?

4. At the end, what is Juliet worried about, that restrains her, coming from what DBT would call her “inner wisdom”?

5. What about Juliet’s cousin Tybalt (TIB-ult)? What does he feel? (Two emotions). How do we know? What triggers his emotions (two different things)?

I think we got through all these questions plus reading the scene in one 30 minute session. But we might have left the last one until the next time.

4: Romeo & Juliet, Unit III, Anger

Unit III, Topic: Anger.

Unit III, Part A: the DBT handout.

In this unit, participants read a scene in which a fight breaks out, killing two of the characters. In analyzing this scene, participants will use the “principle of opposite action” as it applies in particular to anger. The book helps a lot here, listing behaviors one can use to keep from being in the grip of anger (pp. 130-131) :

Behaviors that are opposite to the anger you’re feeling:

Tell someone how you care about them
Tell someone “I love you”
Stare at a tree…
Gently avoid the person you are angry with
Be extra careful to gently pick up and set down items
Slowly and mindfully drink a cold glass of water…
Think about how life might be hard for the person you’re angry with
Pay a compliment to the person you’re angry with
Say out loud to yourself, “I can handle this situation.”
Think about things that are inconsistent with anger, such as happy times, beautiful places, successes.
Other_______________________

After reading the scene, participants will identify which of these behaviors the characters actually engage in.

However the characters themselves are only half-conscious of what they are doing. To be fully mindful of their anger, they would have to do the things listed on pp. 62-63, on “Mindfulness to Anger,” some of which I give below:

Mindfulness to Anger:

Observe, simply noticing the emotion of anger as it comes…

Describe, putting words on your anger…

Participate fully in what is happening, and experience your anger fully… Live presently with your anger while it lasts.

Take a nonjudgmental stance. See only the facts and focus on what is present, an not on what you think should, must or ought to be going on…

One-mindfully give your full attention simply to the emotion of anger. Feeling anger, just experience anger, note all the anger-related sensations and thoughts as they come.

Effectively focus on what works in the situation. Do only what the situation calls for. Don’t get hung up on right versus wrong, or fair versus unfair or should versus should not. Just do the best you can, keeping your goals in mind. Remember your goals and stay grounded. Don’t invalidate your anger as silly or immature, nor as license to really let so-and-so have it. Let go of useless anger and self-righteousness, which will only hurt you.

Rationale: Anger is a troublesome emotion that can lead to everything from unmeant words to crimes of passion. Anger is important, and can motivate you to overcome obstacles, but anger unchecked can lead to impulsive behaviors. In your practice of being mindful of anger you can simply notice its presence, validate it without necessarily acting on it, or be intentional about your anger based actions.

Unit III, Part B: The play, Act 3, Scene 1.

Characters: MERCUTIO, BENVOLIO, TYBALT, ROMEO, PRINCE.
Scene: A street, the afternoon after the Capulets’ ball. Romeo and Juliet were secretly married an hour before.

Enter BENVOLIO and MERCUTIO

BENVOLIO I pray thee, good Mercutio, let's retire:
The day is hot, the Capulets abroad,
And, if we meet, we shall not ‘scape a brawl;
For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.

MERCUTIO Thou art like one of those fellows
that when he enters the confines of a tavern
claps his sword upon the table and says
'God send me no need of thee!'
and by the time of his second cup,
draws when indeed there is no need.

BENVOLIO Am I like such a fellow?

MERCUTIO Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood
as any in Italy, and as soon moved to be moody,
and as soon moody to be moved.

BENVOLIO And what to?

MERCUTIO Nay, if there were two such, we should have none shortly,
for one would kill the other. Thou! Why, thou wilt quarrel with a man
that hath a hair more, or a hair less, in his beard, than thou hast.
Thou wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts,
having no other reason but that thou hast hazel eyes:
Thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat.
Yet thy head hath been beaten as much as an egg for quarrelling.
Thou has quarrelled with a man for coughing in the street,
because he hath wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun.
Didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing his new doublet
before Easter; with another for tying his new shoes with old riband?
And yet thou wilt tutor me from quarrelling!

Enter TYBALT and OTHERS.

BENVOLIO By my head, here come the Capulets.

MERCUTIO By my heel, I care not.

TYBALT Follow me close, for I will speak to them.
Gentlemen, good day: a word with one of you.

MERCUTIO And but one word with one of us?
Couple it with something; make it a word and a blow.

TYBALT You shall find me apt enough to that, sir,
if you will give me occasion.

MERCUTIO Could you not take some occasion without giving?

TYBALT Mercutio, thou consort'st with Romeo--

MERCUTIO Consort! What, dost thou make us minstrels?
If thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but discords:
here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall make you dance. 'Zounds, consort!

BENVOLIO We talk here in the public haunt of men:
Either withdraw unto some private place,
And reason coldly of your grievances,
Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.

MERCUTIO Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze;
I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I.

Enter ROMEO

TYBALT Well, peace be with you, sir: here comes my man.
Romeo, the hate I bear thee can afford
No better term than this--thou art a villain.

ROMEO Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee
Doth much excuse the rage pertaining
To such a greeting: villain am I none;
Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not.

TYBALT Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries
That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.

ROMEO I do protest, I never injured thee,
But love thee better than thou canst devise,
Till thou shalt know the reason of my love:
And so, good Capulet,--which name I tender
As dearly as my own,--be satisfied.

MERCUTIO O calm, dishonourable, vile submission!
Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk? Draws

TYBALT What wouldst thou have with me?

MERCUTIO Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine lives.
Will you pluck your sword out of his scabbard by the ears?
Make haste, lest mine be about your ears ere it be out.

TYBALT I am for you. Draws

ROMEO Gentle Mercutio, put thy rapier up.

MERCUTIO Come, sir, your passado. They fight

ROMEO Draw, Benvolio; beat down their weapons.
Gentlemen, for shame, forbear this outrage!
Tybalt, Mercutio, the prince expressly hath
Forbidden bandying in Verona streets:
Hold, Tybalt! Good Mercutio!

TYBALT under ROMEO's arm stabs MERCUTIO, and flies with his followers

MERCUTIO I am hurt.
A plague o' both your houses! I am sped.
Is he gone, and hath nothing?

BENVOLIO What, art thou hurt?

MERCUTIO Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough.
Where is my page? Go fetch a surgeon. Exit Page

ROMEO Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.

MERCUTIO No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door;
but 'tis enough, 'twill serve: ask for me tomorrow,
and you shall find me a grave man. I am peppered, I warrant, for this world.
A plague on both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat,
to scratch a man to death! A braggart, a rogue, a villain!
Why the devil came you between us? I was hurt under your arm.

ROMEO I thought all for the best.

MERCUTIO Help me into some house, Benvolio,
Or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses!
They have made worms' meat of me: I have it,
And soundly too: Your houses!

Exit MERCUTIO and BENVOLIO

ROMEO This gentleman, the prince's near ally,
My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt
In my behalf; my reputation stain'd
With Tybalt's slander--Tybalt, that an hour
Hath been my kinsman! O sweet Juliet,
Thy beauty hath made me effeminate
And in my temper soften'd valour's steel!

Enter BENVOLIO

BENVOLIO O Romeo, Romeo, brave Mercutio's dead!
That gallant spirit hath aspired the clouds,
Which too untimely here did scorn the earth.

ROMEO This day's black fate on more days doth depend;
This but begins the woe, others must end.

Enter TYBALT.

BENVOLIO Here comes the furious Tybalt back again.

ROMEO Alive, in triumph! and Mercutio slain!
Away to heaven, respectful leniency,
And fire-eyed fury be my conduct now!
Now, Tybalt, take the “villain” back again,
That late thou gavest me; for Mercutio's soul
Is but a little way above our heads,
Staying for thine to keep him company:
Enter thou, or I, or both, must go with him.

TYBALT Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here,
Shalt with him hence.

ROMEO. This shall determine that.

They fight; TYBALT falls

BENVOLIO Romeo, away, be gone!
The citizens are up, and Tybalt slain.
Stand not amazed: the prince will doom thee death,
If thou art taken: hence, be gone, away!

ROMEO O, I am fortune's fool!

BENVOLIO Why dost thou stay?

Exit ROMEO. Enter PRINCE, with attendants.

PRINCE Where are the vile beginners of this fray?

BENVOLIO O noble prince, I can discover all
There lies Tybalt, slain by young Romeo,
That slew thy kinsman, brave Mercutio.

PRINCE Romeo slew him, he slew Mercutio;
Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe?

BENVOLIO Not Romeo, prince, he was Mercutio's friend;
His fault concludes but what the law should end,
The life of Tybalt.

PRINCE And for that offence
Immediately we do exile him hence:
I have an interest in your hate's proceeding,
My nephew in your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding;
But I'll thank you with so strong a fine
That you shall all repent the loss of mine:
I will be deaf to pleading and excuses:
Therefore use none: let Romeo hence in haste,
Else, when he's found, that hour is his last.
Bear hence this body and attend our will:
Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill. Exit all.

Unit III, Part C: Discussion Questions.

1. How does Benvolio use the principle of opposite action to respond to the Capulets’ anger?

2. In response, what does Mercutio say about anger? Is he following the principle of “opposite action.”? If so, how?

3. What Is Romeo’s response to Tybalt’s anger? Is he following the DBT principle of “opposite action”? If so, how?

4. What is Mercutio’s response to Tybalt’s anger? Why does he challenge Tybalt? Is he following the DBT principle of “opposite action”? Is he following his own advice earlier? What does this say about maintaining one’s self-respect?

5. What is Romeo’s response to Mercutio’s anger? Dos it follow the principle of “opposite action”? Why does what he does lead to bad consequences? What DBT principle didn’t he follow?

6. Does Romeo follow the principle of opposite action when he goes after Tybalt himself? Does he regret his action?

Participants enjoyed doing the scene and discussing it. I assigned the part of Tybalt to one man who was always provoking fights in the facility. He thoroughly enjoyed the role and then was taken aback when the character suddenly dropped out of the play. He did laugh about it later, to me, and to other staff when I wasn’t around. I think Tybalt’s dying tapped into his own fear that one day his mischief would get him sent back to the hospital for good. His behavior in the milieu improved for a while, but then slid back to where it was. Then about the only thing that did affect his behavior for the better was actually getting sent to the hospital with the possibility of not coming back. If I had time, this scene would be a good one for clients to play Mercutio and even Tybalt being more effective using DBT principles.

5: Romeo & Juliet Unit IV, Recognizing Assumptions

rUnit IV. Topic: Recognizing the assumptions you make about people.

Unit IV, Part A: The DBT Handout.

The book has a very useful, if brief, section on how to become aware of your assumptions about people and how to check them out. In the play, Juliet makes a series of false assumptions about Romeo, based on what she hears of the fight from her nurse. Participants will apply the handout to Juliet's process in recognizing her mistaken beliefs.

False assumptions, of course, are rampant among residents, until people take the time to check them out. Here is one part of the handout (pp. 148-9). (The other part is an example the author uses):

Mindfulness to Personal Interaction

Observe and describe what is going on in the situation. Describe to yourself what the other person is actually saying and actually doing. Just put words on what is happening, without editorializing or letting your mind wander to assumptions or what you think you know about the situation or the other person’s motives.

Take a nonjudgmental stance. Be attentive to your judgments and assumptions… and then let go of them….Remember that judgments are often conditioned reactions that don’t always accurately reflect the situation and sometimes cause you emotional suffering...

Stay present. Don’t leave the discussion abruptly or without warning…Don’t make excuses to get out of the discussion or situation, dissociate, or tune out. Be where you are, with your full attention and intention.

Stay willing. Be willing and open to stay in the discussion, even if it’s difficult…

Unit IV, the play: Act 3, Scene 2..

Characters : NURSE, JULIET, ROMEO.
Scene: Shortly after Tybalt killed Mercutio and Romeo killed Tybalt. Juliet’s bedroom.

NURSE Ah, well-a-day! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead!
We are undone, lady, we are undone!
Alack the day! he's gone, he's kill'd, he's dead!
O Romeo, Romeo!
Who ever would have thought it? Romeo!

JULIET What devil art thou, that dost torment me thus?
This torture should be roar'd in dismal hell.
Hath Romeo slain himself?

NURSE I saw the wound, I saw it with mine eyes,--
A piteous corpse, a bloody piteous corpse;
Pale, pale as ashes, all bedaub'd in blood,
All in gore-blood; I swooned at the sight.

JULIET O, break, my heart, break at once!
Vile earth, stop moving; end your motion here;
For thou and Romeo share a common grave!

NURSE O Tybalt, Tybalt, the best friend I had!
O courteous Tybalt! honest gentleman!
That ever I should live to see thee dead!

JULIET What storm is this that blows so contrary?
Is Romeo slaughter'd, and is Tybalt dead?
Then, dreadful trumpet, sound the general doom!
For who is living, if those two are gone?

NURSE Tybalt is gone, and Romeo banished;
Romeo that kill'd him, he is banished.

JULIET O God! Did Romeo's hand shed Tybalt's blood?

NURSE It did, it did; alas the day, it did!

JULIET O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face!
Did ever dragon keep so fair a cave?
Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical!
Dove-feather'd raven! wolvish-ravening lamb!
Despised substance of divinest show!
Just opposite to what thou justly seem'st,
Was ever book containing such vile matter
So fairly bound? O that deceit should dwell
In such a gorgeous palace!

NURSE There's no trust,
No faith, no honesty in men; all nought.
These griefs, these woes, these sorrows make me old.
Shame come to Romeo!

JULIET Blister'd be thy tongue
For such a wish! He was not born to shame:
Upon his brow shame is ashamed to sit;
For 'tis a throne where honour may be crown'd
Sole monarch of the universal earth.
O, what a beast was I to chide at him!

NURSE Will you speak well of him that kill'd your cousin?

JULIET Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband?
Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name,
When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it?
Why did my husband kill my cousin?
That villain cousin would have kill'd my husband:
My husband lives, that Tybalt would have slain;
And Tybalt's dead, that would have slain my husband:
All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then?
Some word there was, worse than Tybalt's death,
That murder'd me: I would forget it fain;
But, O, it presses to my memory,
Like damned guilty deeds to sinners' minds:
'Tybalt is dead, and Romeo--banished;'
That one word 'banished,' to speak that word,
Is father, mother, Tybalt, Romeo, Juliet,
All slain, all dead. 'Romeo is banished!'
Where is my father, and my mother, nurse?

NURSE Weeping and wailing over Tybalt's corpse:
Will you go to them? I will bring you there.

JULIET Wash they his wounds with tears: mine shall be spent,
When theirs are dry, for Romeo's banishment.
Take up those cords: poor ropes, you are beguiled,
Both you and I; for Romeo is exiled:
He made you for a highway to my bed;
But I, a maid, die maiden-widowed.
Come, cords, come, nurse; I'll go to my wedding-bed;
And death, not Romeo, take my maidenhead!

NURSE Go to your chamber: I'll find Romeo
To comfort you: I know well where he is.
Hark ye, your Romeo will be here at night:

JULIET O, find him! Give this ring to my true knight,
And bid him come to take his last farewell.

Unit 4, Part C: Discussion Questions

This time there is one main discussion topic, but it is a long one:

1a. In this scene Juliet makes 3 false assumptions, one after the other, about Romeo. What are they? How does she correct them? Is she using good DBT skills?

1b. For review, unless clients mention this skill answering the first question: Juliet uses one DBT skill not in the handout, but which we discussed earlier. Any guesses? Follow up with: How does Juliet utilize "dialectical thinking" about Romeo?

6: Romeo & Juliet: Unit V, Difficult people

Unit V, Topic: Dealing with difficult people

Unit V, Part A: DBT Handout.

This time, the handout is two full pages of the book, having to do with “dealing with difficult people” (pp. 150-151). Juliet's "difficult people" are her parents. Partipants will read the scene and then discuss what went wrong.

The handout starts:

In everybody’s life, there is at least one person that we have a relationship with that is thorny, tender, easily ruffled, or in some other way sensitive. Some of us have several or many such people in our lives.

Then the book has participants make a list of such people in their lives and answer questions that bring out the elements relationship, to make one more mindful of them. We do the questions as a group, applying them to Juliet’s relationship to her mother and father. We rate how good the relationship is, from poor to excellent, say why Juliet is especially sensitive to them, and how she would like to improve it.

Then we move on to “difficult” people. The author says:

Now refine your list to focus on people you’re not only sensitive to, but people who you find especially difficult to be around, or aversive. Maybe they act caustic, rude, or shaming around you and others. Around them you find yourself becoming very nervous, resentful, or fearful…

When I use the word aversive in reference to the other person, I mean that the other person has become someone that you would greatly like to avoid. You may even find yourself judging them as repulsive, repugnant, or disgusting. You may find that you hate them, and feel they are worthy of your contempt. As you begin the work of changing your emotions toward this other person, however, try to avoid these thoughts. The idea here is to move away from unnecessary emotional suffering and toward effectiveness so that you don’t carry the burden of your intense negative emotions. The goal is to reduce your emotional suffering. Also keep in mind that the goal isn’t to change that other person. Instead, you’re working at changing yourself.

So the group discusses whether one or both of Juliet’s parents fit this characterization of “difficult.”

Again there is a series of questions to answer. How difficult is each person, on a 0 to 5 scale? In what contexts are they difficult? How does Juliet feel around each one? What judgments does Juliet make? How does she handle being around the person? Actually, we could have considered the nurse, too, in relation to this category, but I didn’t think to have them read that far.

Then the book takes participants through some skills to apply in relation to these difficult people, emphasizing that one will not master them in one interaction. They are difficult. One set is called “exposure therapy,” that is, noticing one’s feelings around the person, using the principle of “opposite action” to engage rather than avoid the person, in a non-judgmental manner, and using conscious breathing to keep centered and focused. The tendency to disengage or dissociate will be strong and may even win out sometimes.

Once one is centered and focused with the “difficult person,” then the next skill is “assertiveness.” This is speaking with the emotion you feel—angrily if you are angry-- but keeping it within bounds and stating what you want clearly and matter-of-factly. It is also doing so with awareness of where the other person is coming from and feeling, and from a willingness to negotiate if you can do so without compromising your core values. That leads into the third skill. “Maintaining your integrity” is a balance between inflexibility and self-betrayal. You have to keep in mind what is fair to both parties. You have to consult your “inner wisdom” to know your core values, and what is really important to vs. what is not so important, all things considered. You have to be unapologetic about speaking your needs and also non-accusatory to the other. You have to be truthful yet also sparing people sometimes, because they can be pushed too far needlessly. These are very difficult things.

Imagining oneself in Juliet’s position but with the skills from our DBT book is a difficult exercise and probably won’t go as deep as one would like. Yet the general direction will become clear to participants.

I am convinced that this skill, hard as it is, is one of the most important ones clients can learn. Juliet’s issue is one that we all have, and mentally ill people especially. It is that of how we relate to authority-figures, especially ones that seem to have absolute power over us. I had that issue in my own early experience and have continued to have it since, close to hand with work supervisors and more abstractly with people running large institutions, from my agency to my government. Mentally ill people have it worse; they are first at the mercy of their family, and then of police, probation officers, mental health workers, and so on, all backed up by the power of the courts. Even for people without major mental illness, early traumatic experiences sets the tone for life, in which one repeats being a victim, unwittingly becomes a perpetrator, and also blanks out memory of the experiences, recent as well as long past. In addition, mentally ill people have their hallucinations or delusions, which can seem more real than reality, or a strong reluctance to relate to people at all.

Part B: Act 3, second half of Scene 5. At the end, after discussing the scene, a few lines from Act 5, scene 3.

Characters:: LADY CAPULET, JULIET, CAPULET, NURSE. At the end, PRINCE.

Scene: early morning of Day 3. Romeo, banished from Verona, secretly stayed to spend his wedding night in Juliet's bedroom. As the scene opens, he has just left, not to return until times are better and the Friar who married them can announce the marriage to their parents. Meanwhile Juliet's mother wants to speak to Juliet.

LADY CAPULET [Within] Ho, daughter! Are you up?

JULIET Who is't that calls? It is my lady mother.
What unaccustom'd cause procures her hither?

Enter LADY CAPULET

LADY CAPULET Why, how now, Juliet!

JULIET Madam, I am not well.

LADY CAPULET Evermore weeping for your cousin's death?
What, wilt thou wash him from his grave with tears?
But if thou couldst, thou couldst not make him live;
Therefore, have done.

JULIET Yet let me weep for such a feeling loss.

LADY CAPULET But now I'll tell thee joyful tidings, girl.

JULIET And joy comes well in such a needy time:
What are they, I beseech your ladyship?

LADY CAPULET Well, well, thou hast a careful father, child;
One who, to put thee from thy heaviness,
Hath sorted out a sudden day of joy,
That thou expectest not nor I looked not for.

JULIET Madam, in happy time, what day is that?

LADY CAPULET My child, early next Thursday morn,
The gallant, young and noble gentleman,
The County Paris, at Saint Peter's Church,
Shall happily make thee there a joyful bride.

JULIET Now, by Saint Peter's Church and Peter too,
He shall not make me there a joyful bride.
I wonder at this haste; that I must wed
Ere he, that should be husband, comes to woo.
I pray you, tell my lord and father, madam,
I will not marry yet.

LADY CAPULET Here comes your father; tell him so yourself,
And see how he will take it at your hands.

Enter CAPULET and NURSE

CAPULET How now! What, still in tears?
Evermore showering? How now, wife!
Have you delivered to her our decree?

LADY CAPULET Ay, sir; but she will none, she gives you thanks.
I would the fool were married to her grave!

CAPULET How! Will she none? Doth she not give us thanks?
So worthy a gentleman to be her bridegroom!

JULIET Good father, I beseech you on my knees,
Hear me with patience but to speak a word.

CAPULET Hang thee, young baggage! Disobedient wretch!
I tell thee what: get thee to church o' Thursday,
Or never after look me in the face:
Speak not, reply not, do not answer me;
Wife, we scarce thought us blest
That God had lent us but this only child;
But now I see this one is one too much,
And that we have a curse in having her:

NURSE God in heaven bless her!
You are to blame, my lord, to rate her so.

CAPULET Peace, you mumbling fool!

LADY CAPULET You are too hot.

CAPULET God's breath! It makes me mad:
to have a wretched puling fool,
To answer 'I'll not wed; I cannot love,
I am too young; I pray you, pardon me.'
Look to it, think on it, I do not jest.
Thursday is near; lay hand on heart, advise:
If you be mine, I'll give you to my friend;
And you be not, hang, beg, starve, die in the streets,
For, by my soul, I'll ne'er acknowledge thee,
Nor what is mine shall never do thee good:
Trust to't, bethink you; I'll not be forsworn. Exit

JULIET Is there no pity sitting in the clouds,
That sees into the bottom of my grief?
O, sweet my mother, cast me not away!
Delay this marriage for a month, a week;
Or, if you do not, make the bridal bed
In that dim monument where Tybalt lies.

LADY CAPULET Talk not to me, for I'll not speak a word:
Do as thou wilt, for I have done with thee. Exit

JULIET O God!--O nurse, how shall this be prevented?
Comfort me, counsel me.
What say'st thou? hast thou not a word of joy?
Some comfort, nurse.

NURSE Faith, here it is.
I think it best you married with the County.
O, he's a lovely gentleman!
Romeo's a dishcloth to him: an eagle, madam,
Hath not so quick, so fair an eye as Paris hath.
I think you are happy in this second match,
For it excels your first: or if it did not,
Your first is dead; or it were as good he were,
As living here and you no use to him.

JULIET Speakest thou from thy heart?

NURSE And from my soul too.
.
JULIET Amen!

NURSE What?

JULIET Well, thou hast comforted me marvelous much.
Go in: and tell my lady I am gone,
Having displeased my father, to Laurence' cell,
To make confession and to be absolved.

NURSE Marry, I will; and this is wisely done. Exit

JULIET Ancient damnation! O most wicked fiend!
Is it more sin to wish me thus forsworn,
Or to dismean my lord with that same tongue
Which she hath praised him with above compare
So many thousand times? Go, counselor;
Thou and my bosom henceforth shall be apart.
I'll go to the friar, to know his remedy:
If all else fail, myself have power to die. Exit

Unit 5, Part C: With all these things in mind, here are the discussion questions.

1. Do Juliet’s parents and later the nurse qualify as “difficult persons” for her? Why?

2. If Juliet were following DBT principles, what could she do to make the situation better? Go step by step through the process outlined in the reading.

These questions are short, but they may take a couple of sessions to complete, re-reading part of the scene before the second session. Or one may decide not to finish at all, if it is too much for people. There is time later.

Then I tell the class what Juliet in fact does, and how the action plays out. To end, a participant reads from the Prince’s speech near the end of the play:

Act 5, Scene 3, lines 290-294:

PRINCE. Capulet, Montague,
See what a scourge is laid upon your hate,
That heaven finds means to kill your joys with love;
And I, for winking at your discords too,
Have lost a brace of kinsmen. All are punish’d.

I conclude by saying that we can’t really say whether it could have ended differently in those times. We can’t pass judgment on the characters. All we can do is say what we can do today, to avoid such tragedies.

7: Romeo and Juliet: Outcomes

Now let me say something about the participants’ later behavior. I’m not saying that being in the group caused favorable outcomes. There were lots of other factors. I’m just observing parallels.

I mentioned already the man I gave the part of Tybalt to. Another male also had the problem of temper tantrums, threats, and occasionally striking out at someone. He joked with me about Tybalt, calling me by that name, for example. I did my best to play-act the part. His behavior improved and he had a stable discharge.

One group member was a woman who usually speaks so indistinctly and quickly that it is difficult to make out what she is saying. One night nobody wanted to play Romeo--the guy who’d done a great job the week before refused to come out of his room. This woman volunteered, to my alarm. But no, she read Romeo’s lines clearly and with feeling. She fell into her usual way of speaking only if Romeo had a speech longer than 3 or 4 lines. Fortunately I had edited down many of them. She said later that she’d been in plays in high school (thirty years earlier). She showed quite a bit of interest in literature and art for several months. After a session on art, for example, she could name her favorite painting by Leonardo da Vinci for weeks.

Another woman read so slowly that the man whose lines came next got bored and started playing solitaire. Predictably, when his turn came he couldn’t find his place. He blamed me and stormed out of the room. But he was back the next week, thoroughly enjoying his role as Mercutio. He himself liked to speak in riddles and flights of fancy, which he didn’t bother to distinguish from reality. He, too, was interested in art and literature for a while—he especially liked Van Gogh. For whatever reason, his speech and thinking improved dramatically over the next few months. I hypothesize that reading Mercutio might have helped him to form a separation between himself and his own cryptic and imaginative remarks, which now came from a character he was creating rather than himself as the actor. He had a stable discharge.

Perhaps the most encouraging follow-up is that of a group member who had a long history of cutting on herself and self-neglect. After hearing Romeo’s predicament in the first scene, she talked to me privately about her own depression, of her husband dying and that there was no hope of anyone replacing him, she was so now fat and ugly. She did a lot of processing of this with other staff as well. Later she agreed to read “just a few lines” of Juliet, but in fact finished the scene. Afterwards she told staff, “I enjoyed it, and I’m just a patient.” She also asked me, “Am I Juliet?” She meant it literally, Juliet as opposed to the person she actually was. I think there was a metaphorical component as well. Later she said, “I took Juliet personally.” She also asked the psychiatrist if he could give her “a lethal dose.” I assured the treatment team that we did not read the suicide scenes, or anything about the poison Romeo got, although I did summarize the ending and discuss alternatives. She probably knew the play already, he said. Yet she never tried to cut on herself again. Moreover, she started a special relationship with a male resident of the facility—-a rather dramatic example of the “principle of opposite action” in dealing with depression and negative self-talk. Her mood improved, and she had a stable discharge. Ending the relationship did not seem to bother her.

The most valuable thing about using the play was that besides being fun and non-threatening, it provided a bridge between the theory they learned in DBT and the times in their life they needed it, when they were overwhelmed by strong emotion. Even learning concrete skills is just theory until you incorporate them into your life.

There is such a thing as “state-dependent learning.” That is, when you’re in a certain emotional situation, you remember what you learned in that same emotional situation earlier. If you learned DBT in a non-stressful discussion, you probably won’t remember it when you’re in the grips of an emotion. You will remember it later when you are processing the incident, but that, too, is a time when you’re not in the emotion’s grips, and so equally problematic for the future. But when you play the part of someone in the grips of that emotion, then you are partly in that emotional state yourself, and perhaps you will remember what else was going on at that time. That to me is the value of reading scenes like those in Romeo and Juliet.

Let me add that watching a video of the same scenes is not at all the same thing. In hopes of further reinforcement of the lessons learned, I played the same scenes in the de Caprio video of the play. The class was all totally “numbed out,” not able to move toward a discussion of what they saw at all. All they wanted to do was keep watching! That taught me something, too. It might have been the same if they had been watching other people perform the scenes.

Finally, let me caution that putting on plays with the severely mentally ill is not something to undertake without knowing the individuals first and doing a lot of follow-up afterwards. It is not something to do once a week and then leave. Integrating the material is hard. It's sometimes hard for participants to disengage from the characters, and even to know that they are not them in real life. Emotional situations in the past will come up, great material to help them process but hard to contain if it is not processed well. There may even be trouble with the management team responsible for their care. There are risks, but with proper awareness they are well worth the benefit that may come out of it.